The Good and the Bad

So the walking thing. Yeah, I'll come back to that.

For now..it's the New Year. Again. (I wonder if there's a spike in the number of blog posts today with folks writing about all their resolutions and all that? Kinda like the spike in gym memberships.)

But that's not quite what I want to talk about. Do I want to be healthier and stronger and happier in the New Year. Absolutely. (And if I'm going to be really honest, I'd like to fit into my old clothes again, as in the clothes I was able to wear last year.) Making a resolution of some sort doesn't seem like the best way to achieve those things. I'll inevitably fail and then just feel bad, which certainly won't help with the happier thing.

So. What?

Perhaps the way to start is with a list of the ways in which I do and don't take care of myself. I've been working on this in my mind already, and I know it's going to be heavily slanted toward the bad.

Ways I do take care of myself, listed in order that they come to mind: 1) I eat food including some fruits and veggies. 2) I pet and love my cats. 3) I continue to interact with online friends and with my family (i.e., I do have some human contact). 4) I try to be self-aware (i.e., even though I'm often not taking care of myself, at least I'm not lying to myself about it). 5) I have become better at monitoring and catching migraines closer to when they start. 6) I removed all games from my phone and asked a friend to impounded my Nintendo DS including all DS games.

Those last two are actually pretty significant. I should give myself a lot of credit for them.

Ways I don't take care of myself, again, listed in the order that they come to mind: 1) I eat way more food than I need for fuel, and included in that is way too much junk. 2) I get virtually no exercise. 3) My sleep cycle is atrocious. 4) I am addicted to video games, and have an extremely hard time not becoming a lump on the couch for weeks on end once I start playing. 5) The self-talk has become very, very negative. 6) I have very little face-to-face social interaction outside of work. 7) I am a hermit most weekends. 8) There's more, but I don't want to list them here.

Also, the depression and anxiety cycle are slowly getting the better of me. Every now and then I'll have a win using the mental tools I've learned over the past years of therapy, but more often than not, I end up curled on the couch at the end of the day, playing a computer game to numb my thoughts.

Clearly all that above is waaay to much to work on all at once. But work on it I will, one thing at a time, because I DO want to feel better (at least I do when the apathy isn't winning).

I'm going to start with food, as I think it will be the easiest. I had a 6-hour drive home from my parents last week to think about this. My goal for January will be to plan my meals every week and go grocery shopping with a list. Hopefully, I will cook, but if things get crazy, it's perfectly ok for my meal planning to consist of frozen, ready-made dinners, baby carrots, and grapes. Just so that I actually take the time to plan and go shopping.

To keep myself accountable, I'm going to blog my meal plans and what I actually end up with in my grocery bags every week. Please come heckle me for being a slacker if I haven't posted anything by the end of the day each Sunday.

I've already planned and shopped for this week. And even cooked some! I'll get that post up later today. Next is to get out of my PJs, get cleaned up, and take a walk. The weather's nice, and I find a walk is a great way to start the new year. Especially since what I really want to do is take a nap.

Oh, and I've also given up video games for January. This is something I've done before, whenever my game playing become especially out of control. It's time, again.

On Dishwashing

As my family and friends all know, I'm not the best housekeeper. And my least favorite household chore is probably dishwashing. No, it's definitely dishwashing. Something about icky dishes and icky dish water and getting my hands wet. So, the dirty dishes have a tendency to build up.

What in the world does this have to do with anything? A while back, I noticed a correlation between dishwashing and self-care. No really, it's like the dirty dishes are the canary in the coal mine. Danger! Danger! Theresa is falling off the self-care wagon! Proper sleep has probably ceased happening. Healthy eating likely is taking a slide, too, because when the dishes aren't being washed, cooking is not happening either. And exercise? Let's not even talk about exercise.

(Wow, the bad metaphors in that last paragraph, let me count them.)

And as typically happens when the self-care goes down hill, headaches ensue. The last few weeks have been a very good example of all of this. (Although, one thing that I have been doing better, for the most part is sleep. I'm giving myself credit for that. However, I must get my blackout curtains up again, because the sun coming up at 5 o'clock isn't helping the cause.)

In reality, I know that it is all much, much more complicated than that. But these things are all connected -- mood, headaches, sleep, exercise, and doing the dishes. When my dishes are done and my kitchen is clean, everything else seems much more...possible. Also, these smaller things are easier to quantify than the mental health stuff. Did I get to sleep at a good time? Did I eat my 5 servings of fruit and vegetables? Did I get 20-30 minutes of aerobic exercise? Did I do the dishes?

I think, before I slide not just down the hill but all the way down to the bottom of the ravine, it's time to get back to the self-care basics. I've done this before, and I'm sure I'll need to do it again. For me, this means lots and lots of tracking. Which means that it's back to Joe's Goals!

These are the goals that I've set up. All the key self-care things are there: proper sleep, eating right as represented by the fruits and veggies, exercise, minimizing caffeine, and dishwashing. And I've added a few other things in there for good measure. I know that if I can stick to this and take care of myself, I will feel better in both mind and body.

I'll be doing other tracking things as well. I need to get a new calendar up on the kitchen door so that I can start giving myself sparkly stars for exercising. It's also time to start tracking food, because crisps and chocolate are not major food groups. I don't aim to do these things forever, just a month or so to hopefully build back up the healthy habits.

I've added the Joe's goals widget to the sidebar. Please come harass me if it starts dipping down into the red.

Goals and Plans and Goals

It's funny how you can be thinking about and meaning to do something for days and weeks (e.g., run), and then something happens that seems to flip a switch and suddenly it seems possible again.

Well the switch was flipped for me last week, and lo and behold, I went for two (very) short runs! In the morning even!

As I mentioned last week, my new running goal is not to train for this race or that race, but to get to the point where I'm running 4-5 days a week, ideally 2-3 miles each day. The hope is that this will help keep a lid on the anxiety-depression duo that rears it's ugly head more often than I'd like.

Getting to that goal, however, requires a plan. Making a plan, in and of itself, isn't the problem. I quite like to plan things that only involve me. I am a planner. It's the sticking to the plan where I tend to run into trouble. And that, brings me back to goals.

My new running plan is to set small, attainable, weekly goals, slowly building toward my bigger, long-term goal. I know, WHAT a radical idea. I'm using Buckeye Outdoors to keep track of everything. And borrowing from Merry, I'm going to post my goals for each week on Monday, and report back at the end of the week. The theory is that this will inject a bit of accountability into the process.

As an additional motivator, there's something that I really, really want that is a complete luxury: an ebook reader. Specifically, this ebook reader. I'll be working out how I can somehow use the BeBook as a carrot for the running and other fitness/health stuff. More on that another day.

Without anymore further ado, here are my goals for this week:

• Run 3-4 days for a total of 4 miles
  
• Stretch 5-6 days, 10 minutes each time
  
• Pilates 2-3 days, for 20-30 minutes each time
  

Can I get myself out the door tomorrow morning before work? Right now I'm optimistic. Hopefully, it won't be another story in the morning!

Edit: Yes, I got out and ran my short mile this morning!

Once more, with feeling

So yeah, goals. My running goal for May was to run three times per week. How did I do? Well, meh.

Week 1: 3 runs
Week 2: 3 runs
Week 3: 1 run, but with lots and lots and lots of walking that weekend
Week 4: 2 runs

And the first week of June: big fat zero!

The Horrible Hill route tonight was PAINFUL, and I now have my worst time ever for that route. (The GI issues didn't help. I made it home in time. Barely.)

Back to goals and such. I said that if I managed to stick to my 3x per week goal, I would sign up for the Erie half-marathon. Unlike a 5k or 10k, I can't be totally slacking off my training plan if I want to try to run this race. But the more I think about it, the more I really want to give it a go. Yet this inability to get myself out the door to train thing is definitely a problem.

So let's try this again. For the next 5 weeks (including this week), my goal is to run 3x per week. Plus, I'm going to up the ante a bit by also committing to either a 4th run or a long walk each week.

This week's runs will be on Tuesday (done!), Thursday, and Friday.

It's a bit late, but not too late to start training for the Erie half-marathon. I've found a training plan that builds up from a 10k to a half-marathon, which is just what I need. If I can stick to this plan and meet my goals over the next five weeks, I'm signing up!

Me versus The Hill: Week 3

Tonight I ran the Horrible Hill route by myself! Running partner E. was busy last night, so of course I put off going for a run. I almost put it off again tonight, but finally, after I procrastinated a bit, I kicked myself out the door. That's a small triumph right there.

Then, I was tempted to run a different route and avoid The Hill. But no! I will conquer this route by the end of summer. And alas, the only way to conquer it is to actually run it. Another small triumph.

So off I went, peering warily at the ominous clouds. It looked like the sky was considering falling, but luckily, the rain mostly held off until the end of the run. And the sky did not actually fall, so that's good, too.

As far as how the run went, I discovered that it is more enjoyable not to be struggling to keep up with running partner E. At no point did I feel the need to keel over as I tried to catch my breath. However, the fact that I wasn't pushing myself as hard definitely showed up in my time.

• Last week: 45:36


• This week: 46:03

But, I definitely felt that I did better on the hills. I employed the strategy suggested by Ted of taking very small steps when running up hills. On the Horrible Hill, it actually felt like I was running up stairs. I think this definitely helped, as this week I made it at least 3/4 of the way to the top before stopping to walk. So thanks, Ted! And I ran most of the way up the hill at the end too!

Hills, I will conquer you!

Overall, definite improvements toward my goal of running the Horrible Hill route in its entirety. We'll see how next week goes when I'm once again trying to keep up with E.

Two Weeks of Success

My running goal for May is to run three times each week. I'm at the half-way point now and so far, success!

The first week was tough. Running partner E. and I ran our regular Tuesday evening run, but then I procrastinated and was faced with having to run on both Saturday and Sunday if I wanted to accomplish my goal. I managed to get myself out for a run on Saturday, but running partner E. wasn't free for our regular Sunday run. Having only internal motivation to get me out and running two days in a row almost resulted in a fail for the week. But I persevered, and did squeek out a rather pitiful 2+ mile run late in the day Sunday.

With my 6 mile run this morning (with E.) I finished out a successful week 2. Horray! This morning's run was completed in just under 1:16, which averages out to about a 12:24 min/mile pace. Again, I'm apparently very consistent. This is almost exactly my time for this same route three weeks ago, before the Great Edinburgh Run.

I was able to keep up with running partner E. through about mile 4, before having to slow down. One thing I'm hoping is that the more consistent 3x/week running will help me get a bit faster to better keep up with E. Because even running just two days a week, she is getting quite speedy! Of course, E. also likes to push herself with sprints and by running faster up hills, hence, her speed demon qualities. Ah well, we'll see at the end of the month if there's a glimmer of hope that the increased mileage is having an effect.

May Running Goal

Having goals. It's supposed to be a good thing right? Unfortunately, while I'm fairly good at coming up with goals in my head, I'm not so good at sticking with them.

Ah yes, this would be accountability. I generally have none, especially when it comes to running. Having a running partner keeps me running twice a week, and that's about it.

So, let's try this. I am publically declaring that I will run three times a week in May. That means just once a week, I need to get myself out the door without my running partner. It should be doable. Right? RIGHT?

It will also have the benefit of hopefully helping me get faster before my running partner leaves me in the dust in disgust.

Sigh.

So far this week, I ran on Tuesday (albeit on a new, hillier route, with one particular hill that almost did me in). So I must run tomorrow and Sunday. I can do this, even if the awful, ferocious winds we've been having for days on end don't stop. Right? RIGHT?

And if I do manage to achieve this goal, to punish reward myself, I will sign up for the Erie 1/2 marathon. Dear Bob, did I actually just type that?!?

Update: Week one, success! Although Sunday evening's 2.22 mile run was rather pitiful.